I'm no longer the one that make you smile anymore..

N!n3-m()r3-d@y$..... :(


_|_ What are friends for? I really don't understand. You guys can say so much to dislike someone, yet you can happily go on with them. Bullshit sia! Whats with the words 'missyou' when it wasn't something coming out from the bottom of your heart? What is wrong with you people?! Everyone are so called double-headed-snake. Backstabbing here and there, is this what you guys called true friends/brother/sister? Wow! I'd never know sia, i've learned my lesson now, not to believe someone easily. Who knows, i might be the next target for you people, right? Because everyone is happily bull-shitting around together about someone and in the end..........become VERY GOOD FRIENDS!!! Hahahaa! Wow! I like sia, nabey! Mother fucker!! -_- No name stated, if you think you're the one, let it be! ^^


-/& I'm simply not the girl nextdoor whom you know. I'm someone that you couldn't handle well. After I know/feels that this friendship isn't that simple like those normal ones, i choose to keep a distance from you. It's because i doesn't wants to give you any fake hopes. If i would to continue giving you fake hopes, you'll end up like me suffering every now and then. And of course, everything you do will get affected by me easily. I know, i understand because that is what i'm going through now. Yes, feeling comes and go silently without you knowing. That is something we can't control or even get rid of. You can be undeniable good to me and look highly on yourself that i will fall for you soon. But something i can assure you that is, so far i won't accept any relationship where it wasn't builded up slowly as months goes by and definitely i won't go with someone i don't want to be with. You should know that i'm someone who don't fall in love so easily, isn't it? You should even know that i've someone in mind that i've been waiting for willingly, right? I turns you down in almost everything, it's because i still couldn't get over him. I don't want to treat you more than a friend when my heart is still with him. You can't probably force me to face you and treat you more than a friend to be. I treated mostly everyone the same way, so you ain't going to be any special for now. I'm going to disappoint you, again? I'm sorry. After saying so much, it's still your choice to continue waiting or not, but i can tell you again that i'm not going to get over him so fast, because i don't want and i don't wish to. If you choose to wait on, then don't bloody hell throw your tantrum around and show me your fuck-ed up attitudes, i don't owe you a living! No one asked you to wait too.
Again, my apology to you...


It's because, i still couldn't get over
those past with him around..

Somewhere elses..

12moredays, it's not going to make any difference to me, unless miracle happens..
Met amos just now. He came over to woodlands just to slack for few hours. He brought his laptop over & he wanted to teach me dota. He's stupid enough! He forgotten that he reformat his com and there's no dota's data inside. Hah! I'm just kidding. He gonna teach me dota someday!!! \m/ So rotted there, surfed facebook/youtube instead. Watched pankun and james. ^^ So cute and adorable please. Back home around 11plus.
Grin~ There's so many clubbing coming up!!! ^^v

Anyway, will be posting more on private blog instead.

Should I or should I not?

Woke up at 7plus in the night. 13hours of beauty sleep, shiok! Rotted at home like yesterday. I don't know what to type niao. Shall not type anymore rubbish down.
24th clubbing Freedom @ butterfactory, anyone?
28th clubbing Fresh @ Wave House, anyone?
Omgxzxzxz, so addictive! Lalala. Bai!


Estimated about less than 7 hours left.
Though it makes no difference to me anymore,
but............
Take good care of yourself. imissyou..

It's not a sweet dream, not a beautiful nightmare..

I can't get to sleeppppppppppppppp.............
My mind is blank.................
My house key is with amos.................
How am I going to go out without a key?????????????????
Even if bro helped me to open the door, who's going to help me open de door when i'm home & everyone is out??????????????????
My keyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............
I'm hungry.................
Imissyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.........

HAHA! There's an retard in my msn says i'm cool y'know! Because.... -_-"
I keep replying him 1 word for every question he asked me. He's so weird..
Whatever! I'm very bored now! If only i receive someone's call now..... Gosh~ Stop dreaming please!!! Bull shit post! Bai..

Stop flirting around, will you? :(

16th-17th November,
Went off to prepare around 5pm and train over to boonlay, reached there at 7pm. Met amos for dinner, headed over to long john. After dinner, waited for everyone to reach before setting off to clark quay. The 'M' party @zirca with 15 of them. Saw many familiar faces there. & saw wilson dumbdumb countless of time be it it's on the dancefloor or outside zirca. Holding on to that yellow lightstick, played around with it on the dancefloor & everywhere I go. I'm dead tired after 4hours of shaking and dancing around. It's so packed like sardine can everywhere. Zirca was really a blast yesterday night! But still i find howl @ the moon's event much nicer and fun than yesterday's event @ zirca. Party extended, but we went off earlier around 4am. Cab back to nd. Waited for the prata shop to be open & have our breakfast there. Cab home around 6.50am. I spent $60 in total. -_-" I don't even know where exactly i spend on. So dumb~

2 more days before you leave..
Should I, or should I not send that pathetic message? :(
I've no courage.. I miss you.
&&& more on private blog..

Tangled love..

I'm awake not long ago. Going off to prepare in a few hours time. Clubbing, The 'M' party @ zirca tonight! ^^ Gonna see alot of familiar faces there for sure. & I doubt i'll have the strenght to enjoy, cause i'm having muscle ache since that day after sentosa! :( Adelaide babe might be going too! :D Anyway, I hope i don't see what i don't wish to see later on. kbai..
I'm still missing you..

15/11/2009,
Woke up, prepared, met amos & his friend over at cwp around 3plus. They came over to meet me for lunch! So good of them. Pizza hut for lunchhhhh! Woots~ It was amos treat. Slacked, home around 6plus while they went back to work. & rotted at home.

I choose to hurt myself this way..

Sentosa with darling, myt, liting and co. Heavy eyebag _|_ Slept for only 2 hours and gotta wake up and prepare already. Met them over at JE, train down to harbourfront, bus over to sentosa. Reached there quite early, 11am? Bought drinks & off to Siloso beach instead of palawan. Not a good day for sentosa, it rains! But we'd still continue playing. Left sentosa around 5plus. Hawker for lunch/dinner. After eating, some went separate ways. Train back with darling, myt and ahbin. Intend to meet babe around 9pm at hougang, but everything was like last min so, wasn't confirm too. (: I alight at JE to meet jiahui sissy on platform while they went back nd. Accompany her for dinner at causeway's foodcourt. Spend time there. & i've got myself a new stud for my labret. Enlarged my labret piercing to 4mm. It's very painful i swear. Bleeds alot too. & i'm super giddy now after i forced that stud in. :( I don't know should I leave the stud there or just grab it off from my lips. If daddy happens to see my labret i guess he'll probably faint, okay la, just being sarcastic. But, he 101% kp me for sure! -_- Argh~ Sunburn! pain pain pain!
Imissyoualot. :(

Tanned & non tanned. So weird. Laughs~
SUNBURN!!! :(

\

Nightmare!!

BID GOODBYE!!
IT'S GONE AGAIN EVEN THOUGH I GAVE IN AND CHOOSE TO SUFFER ALONE..
I'M WRONG IN EVERYTHING I DO..


I can only get to sleep for 2 hours and i'll have to wake up to pack my bag, prepare myself and says goodmorning to sentosa!!

I'll give in all I can to mend everything back..

Will it be too late to mend everything back now? I hope not..
I promise, i'll try to be that perfect someone..
Where are you now? I miss you terribly... :(


Had been more than 13hours since last night..
-/& Waiting just for that phone call of yours..


Edited @ 7.15pm,
Gonna prepare myself now. Going out lateron to meet joleen sissy like finally. & Sentosa tmr!! ^^ Update later.


Edited @ 12.26am,
Just got back home from slacking. H2h talk with joleen just now. We share secrets and problems without fail when we're together. :D Anyway, get to chat with him just now, though its only awhile but... better than nothing! Okay, tmr sentosa with mabel darling and co. Hopefully there will be tons of pictures for me to upload uh. & Clubbing @zirca on the 16th? Shall confirm with darling and co again. Darling's and maiyeeting's birthday is approaching too!! Lalalaas. Till here, bai!

You hurt me through inside out..

4.57am now, changed post's date & time..
Evening, went over to yishun(north point) to meet sis. Walked around and went foodcourt for dinner. Terriyaki chicken w/ rice for me, somehow it tasted salty? Ewwww, don't like! After eating, bought our drinks and went over to 741 to slack. Something fcuking annoyed happens. I've got phobia slacking under blocks now. Me and sis are too kind hearted, therefore.......... secret -.-" Walked over to 752 to wait for ting to come down. She brought down her new pet dog. It's fucking cute and adorable but....... Sis went home at 9.30 while me and ting continue slacking. Back home at 12plus. (:

-/& you changed as days goes by.. You wasn't mine to
keep. Maybe you feels that everything was still the same but
actually it was not. We seems to drift even further. I don't see
any importance of me in you anymore. Not anymore! I'm craving
to see you everyday, i know it's impossible. But.......
You can never understand how I feels. You might even think
i'm unreasonable at times, but everything i did has an reason to it.
No one knows, not even you. Because you'd never try to understand me.
I tot everything was fine few days back. I'd enjoy chatting with you
on the phonealmost everyday. But now, it's no longer the same anymore...
Not even a 5min...
Why are you treating me this way now?
What's going on? Only you'll know.. You choose to be like this.
I've learned & i've tried. Learned and tried to give in even more,
to be much understanding, to tolerate whenever i can & not to
throw tantrum. Everything that i can, i've already did & tried. But i still
failed to change you. What should i do now, to make you treat me a little better?
No more quarrels please.... :(

มารักทำไมตอนนี้ ตอนที่จะเสียฉันไป
maa rak tam-mai dton nee dton tee ja sia chan bpai
Why do you turn up now to show me your affection, at a time when you're going to lose me?

ทั้งๆ ที่ฉันทุ่มให้หมดใจ แต่เธอกลับทิ้งมัน
tang-tang tee chan toom hai mot jai dtae ter glap ting man
Even though I've devoted all my heart, you've discarded it instead.

ไม่เคยรัก ไม่เคยนึกแคร์กัน แล้วจะเอาอะไรกับฉัน
mai koie rak mai koie neuk kae gan laew ja ao a-rai gap chan
You've never loved me, never bother to care for me, what do you want from me?

ไม่รักกันแล้วยังจะหวงทำไมไม่เข้าใจ
mai rak gan laew yang ja huang tam-mai mai kao jai
You're love me, why do you still wish to possess me? I just don't get it.

เธอไม่เป็นอย่างฉันคงไม่เข้าใจ
ter mai bpen yaang chan kong mai kao jai
You're not like me, so probably you just don't understand.

ว่ามันเจ็บแค่ไหน ต้องอยู่เหมือนคนไร้ตัวตน
waa man jep kae nai dtong yoo meuan kon rai dtua dton
How painful it is to be living like someone without a soul.

หลังจากคบกันแล้วทำไมเหตุผล
lang jaak kop gan laew tam-mai het pon
After getting together, how come there are so many excuses.

ของเธอมากเหลือเกิน ไม่มีเวลาให้ฉันเลย
kong ter maak leua gern mai mee way-laa hai chan loie
That you can't spare some of your time with me.

ไปกับใครต่อใคร ทำเหมือนว่าฉันคือของตาย
bpai gap krai dtor krai tam meuan waa chan keu kong dtaai
You're going out with one after another as if I were dead.

แล้วจะห้ามทำไม หากฉันจะไปกับเขา
laew ja haam tam-mai haak chan ja bpai gap kao
Why then do you forbid me when I want to go out with him?

มารักทำไมตอนนี้ ตอนที่จะเสียฉันไป
maa rak tam-mai dton nee dton tee ja sia chan bpai
Why do you turn up now to show me your affection, at a time when you're going to lose me?

ทั้งๆ ที่ฉันทุ่มให้หมดใจ แต่เธอกลับทิ้งมัน
tang-tang tee chan toom hai mot jai dtae ter glap ting man
Even though I've devoted all my heart, you've discarded it instead.

ไม่เคยรัก ไม่เคยนึกแคร์กัน แล้วจะเอาอะไรกับฉัน
mai koie rak mai koie neuk kae gan laew ja ao a-rai gap chan
You've never loved me, never bother to care for me, what do you want from me?

ไม่รักกันแล้วยังจะหวงทำไมไม่เข้าใจ
mai rak gan laew yang ja huang tam-mai mai kao jai
You're love me, why do you still wish to possess me? I just don't get it.

ขอให้เธอลองทบทวนดูให้ดี
kor hai ter long top tuan doo hai dee
Please try to think over it properly.

ว่าตอนก่อนรักกัน เธอมองเห็นค่าฉันเท่าไร
waa dton gon rak gan ter mong hen kaa chan tao-rai
Before we fall in love, how much you value me then.

แล้วเปรียบเทียบวันนี้ว่ามันต่างไหม
laew bpriap tiap wan nee waa man dtaang mai
And by comparison, is it different today?

ถ้าเธอยังไม่ลืม ว่าเธอคนเดิม เป็นยังไง
taa ter yang mai leum waa ter kon derm bpen yang ngai
If you haven't forgotten, (you should know) how you were before this.

ไปกับใครต่อใคร ทำเหมือนว่าฉันคือของตาย
bpai gap krai dtor krai tam meuan waa chan keu kong dtaai
You're going out with one after another as if I were dead.

แล้วจะห้ามทำไม หากฉันจะไปกับเขา
laew ja haam tam-mai haak chan ja bpai gap kao
Why then do you forbid me when I want to go out with him?

มารักทำไมตอนนี้ ตอนที่จะเสียฉันไป
maa rak tam-mai dton nee dton tee ja sia chan bpai
Why do you turn up now to show me your affection, at a time when you're going to lose me?

ทั้งๆ ที่ฉันทุ่มให้หมดใจ แต่เธอกลับทิ้งมัน
tang-tang tee chan toom hai mot jai dtae ter glap ting man
Even though I've devoted all my heart, you've discarded it instead.

ไม่เคยรัก ไม่เคยนึกแคร์กัน แล้วจะเอาอะไรกับฉัน
mai koie rak mai koie neuk kae gan laew ja ao a-rai gap chan
You've never loved me, never bother to care for me, what do you want from me?

ไม่รักกันแล้วยังจะหวงทำไมไม่เข้าใจ
mai rak gan laew yang ja huang tam-mai mai kao jai
You're love me, why do you still wish to possess me? I just don't get it.